im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
