I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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