hotel room ftw
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize