Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
