Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
