watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
