she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
50% drunk capacity currently
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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