The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
