i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
