Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
