Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
