why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
