come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
