Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
