my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
