Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
