Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
