Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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