I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize