i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
