woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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