Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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