Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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