I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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