every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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