Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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