the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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