I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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