I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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