ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
