its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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