Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
