i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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