Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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