Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
