I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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