Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
