did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
