didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are we still banned from the library?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
