i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
