the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
