Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
