3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
