Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
