dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
