oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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