I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
