I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
