At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
