No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize