I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
