What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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