Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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