we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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