I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
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We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize