i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
