ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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