She's JV to your varsity
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
