you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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