I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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