I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
