it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
