By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
