I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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