Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
