i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
