So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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