You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
