my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
