i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
