I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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