Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
