i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
