my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
